In Memoriam: Special Agent White, 2010 - 2010

[Per standard procedure, this obituary has been reviewed, revised, and approved for release by Dept. 12. - E]

It is my sad duty to report the termination of employment of Special Agent White, SFA, DVM, OBE [1], known to all of us [2] as an ebullient, resourceful, and above all thoroughly professional Special Field Agent. She was an absolute master of disguise and misdirection, but her most successful "presentation" was as a meek, quiet, pure white kitten. Innumerable enemies of _____ fell for this cover, often to their swift misfortune.

[1] Twice, under separate cover names.

[2] All of us with a "Need to Know", of course.



A veteran of many ... situations and special occasions, S. A. White was commended from the highest levels for his work in A____, the U___ Event, Mission #___, and of course the now-infamous "____ the ___ ___" debacle (from which he was later cleared of any charges of operative failure). Her private personnel file contained letters of congratulations from the heads of no less than ___ different intelligence agencies, and her confidential personnel file also contained thank-you letters from noted figures such as D___ T___, E___ J___, Lady ____ of ___-___, and both currently serving Shadow-Presidents. Per standard procedure, his secret personnel file will not be opened for one year, and her top-secret personnel file has been shredded, iincinerated, and demagnetized. [3]

[3] SP XII.3.5.4.7.1.1.a Termination of Special Field Agent Employment, Special Mandate VII, and Order #1112-____. Witness statements available upon request to qualified individuals.


S. A. White was a master of 17 martial arts (19 black belts, 3 awarded honorarily and in absentia while on mission), most modern single-operator weapons, and was promoted to Senior Instructor in Edged-Weapon Persuasion Techniques at _____ in his senior year of Special Agent Training. Her innovation of the Ora-Rectal Assault Rifle Concealment Method, dubbed the "White-Out" by Special Agents, has saved innumerable lives in the field (and at least 2 African nations).

However, S. A. White was not all work and no play. Agents will fondly recall learning her asleep-to-claws trick. Even in the midst of serious training of Special Agents in Training (SPATs), he found ways to bring such light-hearted hijinx into the lesson. Office worker Dexter Black recalled, upon hearing of S. A. White's termination notice, a humorous incident in which S. A. White instructed him, "When you can snatch the fish tail from my mouth without bleeding from your nose, you will be ready to advance." Naturally, stories such as these bring smiles, warm memories, and old scars to mind from older Agents.

S. A. White's final assignment was completed while the author was away from the office with Dexter Black, as it happened. Upon returning, I was saddened to hear of the injuries S. A. White sustained in the field. Happily, the mission was a complete success, and in typical style, S. A. White insisted on completing his usual thorough post-mission report and debriefing before reporting to the Medical Facility for treatment.

Despite the best efforts of the medical staff, S. A. White's condition slowly deteriorate over the next two days. This morning, with her trainee Dexter Black at her side, administering to her eye wounds with a cool pink swab, she was declared Permanently Unfit for Service, and was asked to turn in his badge and ___ ____.

There is a saying at Headquarters, "Old Special Field Agents never retire; they just get deleted from the system." While this is certainly technically true, it is certain that S. A. White will long be retained in the hearts of those whose privilege it was to serve alongside her.

RIP, Special Agent White. The life of a secret agent, much like that of barn kitty, is hard and short.